I just found a video of my Mum on YouTube. It’s a very short, fairly boring little video about archaeology (her job, and her passion). I clicked play, just wanting to have a look.
There she was, in her favorite top, wearing her beaten-up old hat. It hurt so much to see her, but I can deal with that. I’m getting used to the pain.
Then she started to talk.
Just normal stuff, archaeology stuff. At the first word I started to cry. Not pretty tears. Big, uncontrollable sobs. Tears and snot running down my face. My hands shaking, my whole body shaking. I couldn’t even see the screen, but I couldn’t stop watching. Her voice just went straight through to my soul, cutting huge chunks out of my heart on the way. It’s amazing how much the sound of a voice can hurt. Such an often heard voice, so loved. A voice I heard every day of my life. A voice I will never hear again.
I keep watching that video over and over again. 1 minute and 25 seconds. That’s all. That’s all it took to rip my heart to pieces.
I just wish I could hear her voice again. Hear her call me Titch, hear her say ‘I love you’. Hear her say anything at all.
Even if it was only for 1 minute and 25 seconds