How Do You Make Friends As An Adult??

Well, today is my birthday.

I didn’t really want to make a fuss of it, mostly because it hasn’t been a great year, and because I worried that if I did something to celebrate nobody would show up. (It has happened before, my 30th birthday BBQ I had 2 neighbors show up. Yay for me!!)

However I have been feeling down lately, and I thought a night of laughs with a few drinks might be just the thing I needed. A good friend suggested it, and said she would definitely be there. So I figured hey, why not. I invited the few friends I have, my husband invited some of his. I started to look forward to it, even bought a dress. Here’s the thing, very few people are now coming, even the good friend has cancelled. I will be lucky if 5 people show, and they are really my husbands friends, not mine.

Which leaves me wondering..why don’t I have any friends? Why do I find it so hard to connect to people?

I’ve always been the type of girl who has 1 or 2 close friends, that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, most people like me. I am friendly, I chat to everyone…all that jazz. I just don’t seem to be able to bridge the gap between that and true friendship.

It probably doesn’t help that I live in a very transient town, with lots of ‘clique’s’. It feels as though once you put in the hard yards, and make a halfway decent friend, they move.

So what am I doing wrong????

I am friendly, mostly polite, but I am not a sickly-sweet angel. I help others and truly care about people. People often tell me I have a great smile and a fun laugh. They say I am kind and genuine. They say I am a good person.

So what’s the deal? I find it hard to put myself out there. Hard to make the first move. I have always been a little shy.

But how did I get to be 37 years old, and still not have enough friends for a drinks and nibbles night?

How do other people do it? How do they make it look so easy? They seem able to move around and still always have a group, however small. Why can’t I do that?

If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

How to you make friends as an adult?

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Endless Summer

 

The sun is in the sky, oh why oh why, would I wanna be anywhere else? (Lilly Allen)

Blue sky, crisp and clear and cloudless.

My child’s laughter floating to me on the breeze.

Warm weather, balmy and sweet and sticky.

The sun slowly rising while I run, turning the sky pink and yellow and brilliant orange.

A rope swing hanging from a tree, twisting and turning.

Watermelon slices in the garden, sweet juice running down my chin.

Today I am concentrating on the small things. 

8 Months..

Today it has been 8 months..

8 months since my world turned upside down.

8 months since things stopped making sense.

 

8 months since you didn’t wake up.

 

8 months, and yet it still doesn’t feel real.

I still find myself thinking ‘I have to tell Mum that’, or ‘I’ll just send this photo to Mum, she’ll love it’. I still have your number in my phone. I just can’t bring myself to delete it. Like if I do I will somehow be deleting you. It makes no sense at all. But then, I often don’t make sense these days. I’m trying to learn to just roll with the emotions.

I don’t sleep well anymore, and wake every morning missing you, missing you so much it hurts. Every day is a weird roller-coaster ride, never quite knowing how I am going to feel. Or how I will cope.

Jared is struggling without you too. He has trouble sleeping, and frequently has bad dreams. He crawls into bed with me crying. He gets sad and teary often, and has photos of the two of you next to his bed. He has started to wear your hat to school now. He is so angry he didn’t get to come to Perth that last trip down, that he didn’t get to see you that last time. If only we had known what was to come.

We have been working through it together. One step, one day at a time. We have planted a Memory Garden for you. You would love it Ma, it is nice and shady, full of flowers and colour. There is a little table and chairs under the tree, the perfect spot for a cuppa. Jared and I often make a pot, in your spotty orange teapot, and sit out there together. We talk about you, and have a smile and a laugh. We have even put the aviary out there, so we can listen to Budge and his mates chirp. I know how much you always loved that sound.

The kids are growing, reaching milestones and doing things that I can’t share with you. You would be so proud of them Mum. It tears me apart not being able to share all the little moments with you. All the silly, ridiculous stuff that nobody else really cares about. You always cared. You always had time. Things are moving on without you. Yet you are not entirely gone. Not a day, not a minute goes by that I don’t think of you. You shaped who I am while you were here with me, and now that you are gone your loss is changing me, shaping me a little differently. I just wish I could talk to you.

I wish I could tell you how much I love you. How much I miss you. How very proud I have always been of you. I wish I could lose myself in one of your never-ending hugs.

I just wish you were still here.

God I miss you Mum.

I love you so very much, and I am so incredibly proud that I get to call you my Mum.

Love you forever, Titch

 

 

 

 

See the good

This week has been a good week, mostly. A few bad moments, but I’m making a decision…I am focusing on the good.

So this week has been a good week.

I have been working to get my eating habits back under control (hello paleo, goodbye chocolate, my old friend). I’m not perfect, but I’m healthy, and that’s enough for me.

I am making an effort to get out again, so I’m going for walks EVERY day. The dog is ecstatic!!! LOL Poor neglected puppy 🙂

Walk me?! Again??!!!

Walk me?! Again??!!!

I am DOING things, not just thinking about them.

Some are dumb and stupid things….Oh well, still fun!

Thursday was my son’s Cub Scout meet. They had a climbing wall. Every year I watch, and think ‘that looks like fun. If only I could’ So this time I did! He challenged me to a race (best out of 3) so what was I to do??? Honour was at stake! I beat him fair and square the first time up, the second I remembered the ole fear of heights, and slowed down some. The third climb up I was REALLY feeling the pain (maybe climbing while recovering from a sprained shoulder is not so smart?? Who would have thought?!) So he got me 2 out of 3. The crowd went wild!!! Chanting ‘LET’S GO JARED, LETS GO’ and ‘BRING IT HOME FOR THE KIDS!!!’ He felt like a hero. Well worth every second of my defeat 😉

That's him at the top. No photos of my crushing defeat...shame!!

That’s him at the top. No photos of my crushing defeat…shame!!

This weekend is the local show. His school choir is performing. I’ve not been able to see them before so I can’t wait. Proud Mummy moment coming up 🙂

I took him for a quick look around this morning, just the two of us. It was good, I think sometimes we both need to remember to enjoy each other instead of just arguing all the time. He did a few bits and pieces, then talked me into going on the Mega-bungi Tramps. Or maybe I talked him into it?! Who knows..But it was fun!!! So much fun we had to go again 🙂

I Believe I Can Fly!!Free As A Bird :)

 

And we get fireworks tomorrow night too. My favorite.

So this week was a good week 🙂