Well, I survived last week. A little mentally battered, my heart a little bruised, but I survived.
It was a tough week for me. Mum’s birthday was on Thursday (she should be 61) then just a few days later was Mother’s Day.
I could feel the week approaching for a long time before it got here, and was waiting with dread. Anticipating how much it would hurt, what a mess I would be. My moods were very unstable…and bad. (totally had my bitch on)
I struggled to cope with work, being friendly and polite (both to staff and customers). I was horrible to be around at home. My poor family 😦
In the end I decided to take Thursday off work, just in case. I really wasn’t sure how I would be. I’m really glad I did.
Not because I was a mess (I was, but it was bearable), but because I had an enjoyable day.
I sent Master J off to school, then had the house to myself while the other kids slept in. I took advantage of the quiet to let all the emotions out, and had a good cry. It needed to get out.
Then I decided to get on with things. I spent the morning working in the garden, concentrating on Mum’s memory garden. I always enjoy gardening, and feel closer to Mum outside. I tidied the garden, planted new plants, rearranged a little. Generally pottered about.
Then I went and cleaned up, and baked some scones. Mum was a sucker for a good Devonshire Tea, so that seemed fitting. When the little man got home from school, we took the scones outside into the garden, along with a big pot of tea (in Mum’s spotty teapot of course). We were able to sit around and remember Mum, with smiles and laughs (and yes, a few tears) It was really nice, and felt very cleansing.
The rest of the day was uneventful, my emotions all up and down and all over the place.
And then there was Mother’s Day.
I made an effort to keep the bitch at bay, and mostly succeeded. The kids and I walked the Mother’s Day Classic fun run. (Will leave teenage girl at home next time, bad attitude plus). Came home, opened prezzies, then lay down and watched a movie together. I felt very drained, so it was a good pace for me.
I mostly kept it together, but there was an underlying ‘sad’ all day. I guess that’s to be expected, and may never really pass.
But I got through. I made it out the other side, without doing too much emotional damage to myself.
I still feel flat, and very sensitive. I still have a super-short fuse. But I’m working on it. I will get there.
I still miss my Mum.