My Christmas Wish. Grief and loss in the holiday season


I’m missing you this Christmas

I’m wishing you were here,

I’m trying to be merry, 

to be full of Christmas cheer

I smile for all the kiddies

I try to play the game

but now that you are not around

nothing feels the same.

I look at all the Christmas lights

they are twinkling so bright,

but I feel a secret darkness

that is eating up the night.

I can’t get excited about Santa,

or singing Christmas songs,

because  you are not here with us

and that just feels so wrong.

There’s an empty chair at my table,

there’s a space under my tree,

I’m missing you this Christmas

I just want you here, with me


If Only


If Only…

If only I could see you again
see your precious smile,
what I wouldn’t give to hold your hand
for just a little while.
To hear your laugh ring loudly,
to be smothered in a hug,
to feel the warmth only you could bring,
to be safe within your love.
So many things I would say to you
I don’t know where to start,
I guess the only thing that matters is
“I love you, with all my heart”



It’s been 2 years without my Mum now. Two long, slow, heartbreaking years. So much has changed, so much is different.

I wish she could be here with us, and watch everyone grow.