My Christmas Wish. Grief and loss in the holiday season

  

 
I’m missing you this Christmas

I’m wishing you were here,

I’m trying to be merry, 

to be full of Christmas cheer

I smile for all the kiddies

I try to play the game

but now that you are not around

nothing feels the same.

I look at all the Christmas lights

they are twinkling so bright,

but I feel a secret darkness

that is eating up the night.

I can’t get excited about Santa,

or singing Christmas songs,

because  you are not here with us

and that just feels so wrong.

There’s an empty chair at my table,

there’s a space under my tree,

I’m missing you this Christmas

I just want you here, with me

KCoutts

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If Only

 

If Only…

If only I could see you again
see your precious smile,
what I wouldn’t give to hold your hand
for just a little while.
To hear your laugh ring loudly,
to be smothered in a hug,
to feel the warmth only you could bring,
to be safe within your love.
So many things I would say to you
I don’t know where to start,
I guess the only thing that matters is
“I love you, with all my heart”

KCoutts/2015

 

It’s been 2 years without my Mum now. Two long, slow, heartbreaking years. So much has changed, so much is different.

I wish she could be here with us, and watch everyone grow.

The Tide. A poem of grief and loss

Turn the tide

A poem for the people who are helping a loved one through their grief.

Just be there for them, hold them. Support them when they crumble. It may not seem like much to you, but it feels like a lifeline to them.

I am lucky. I have an amazing husband who gets this, he is my rock.

Endless Summer

 

The sun is in the sky, oh why oh why, would I wanna be anywhere else? (Lilly Allen)

Blue sky, crisp and clear and cloudless.

My child’s laughter floating to me on the breeze.

Warm weather, balmy and sweet and sticky.

The sun slowly rising while I run, turning the sky pink and yellow and brilliant orange.

A rope swing hanging from a tree, twisting and turning.

Watermelon slices in the garden, sweet juice running down my chin.

Today I am concentrating on the small things. 

My Guiding Light, A Poem For Mum

Well today I am brooding…with all the drama going on with my sister, it has me thinking (dwelling I guess)

So I thought I would share a poem. I wrote it after Mum died, and read it at her funeral. It has helped me through…..

My Guiding Light

I can feel you in here with me,

it’s like you’ve never gone

yet I open my eyes, and I’m alone,

this whole thing feels so wrong.

You were the best, the brightest

always so loving and so kind,

the hole you leave will never heal

in the hearts you leave behind.

You had a smile to light up darkness,

a great loud booming laugh,

you threw yourself right into life,

never did anythings by halves.

Always kind and caring,

you did what you knew was right.

you taught me when to yield my ground,

and when to stand and fight.

You encouraged me to greatness

in things both large and small,

all my joys and triumphs,

you shared with me them all.

I will feel you in the sunshine

and splashing through the waves,

I will be the one you showed me how,

always truthful, kind and brave.

Image

My Mum